A few days ago, I was in an Urgent Care waiting room. In the room with me was a young Mother of two boys - one around 4 and the other must have been around 2. The 2 year old started crying and fussing so much, that the Mother "exploded" in front of me, jumped up, stuffed him into his jacket, and said "I'm not going through this!" aloud in frustration. She picked him up and ordered the 4 year old to put his jacket on because they were leaving. She then proceeded to march past me and out the door carrying the little one, still wailing, on her hip. The 4 year old was slowly following her, not wanting to get too close to her wrath. I watched him as he came closer and his little face had the most terrible look. I bent slightly forward so his face would turn to me, and as he walked by, I gave him a friendly smile. At first he looked shocked and wary, then he smiled back - it was a small smile, but I could feel it was genuine.
This entire experience reminded me of another Emergency Room visit way back in 1979. I still remember it because it haunts me to this day. My friend was being examined and I was in the Waiting Room. In front of me sat a family of four - the Parents and two boys aged 2 and 5 (I estimate). The 2 year old was everywhere, crawling, running, making noise, etc., and his Mother was chasing him, talking baby talk and calling him "Bud Bud". However, when she spoke to the older boy, her tone was harsh and she ordered him to get tissues, toilet paper, the baby's toys, and never said "Thank You". This older boy obeyed like a robot and never said a word the entire time I was there. When this boy sat next to his Father (who ignored the entire family), I could feel the tension from 3 rows behind them. He would glance at his Father once in a while, but there was never eye contact between them, no words, and certainly no signs of affection. I remember having the thought that this boy seemed scared of his Parents. The baby's behavior was never curbed and I couldn't help thinking that the Parents were clearly displaying a double standard.
My heart went out to this boy, and today, I still think about him. I can still see his face and I wonder how his life went after that night. It was so sad and I feel sad thinking and writing about that evening so long ago, but last week's experience brought up old emotions. I wonder if the little boy from Urgent Care will fare better than the boy from 1979.
I have no children, but I was a kindergarten Teacher for some years and understand how a smile can go a long way in relationships with children. What face does your child see when he or she walks towards you? Do you smile? Do you acknowledge them at all? Do you stop what you're doing and listen to them? Do you make them feel they are loved? The Parents I described above acted like their children were inconvenient and not appreciated and I felt sorry for all of them.
My friend has 2 children that I've been close to since their births and lately, I am very aware of the face they see when they look at me. A loving smile and acknowledgement of their prescence in your space can build self-worth, self-value and self-esteem. It's true; just try it. Something as easy as a smile can make both of you feel better, and if done consistently, it will be something your child will long remember about his Parent(s). I know rearing children is not an easy job, but at some point try to become aware of the face your child sees on a daily basis. Let the LIGHT from within you shine on your child and spark the LIGHT inside of them. NOW is the time to make your child feel loved and appreciated as part of your family. I know I will try very hard to give a loving smile to any child in my prescence going forward because self-worth and self-esteem cannot be purchased at a department store or on-line.
Best wishes and Angel blessings to you for a wonderful Thanksgiving! Linda
